Someone I respect, I mean really, really respect, told me that they were intimidated by me.
Huh, Me? No. Wait. What? WTF?
I was flabbergasted. I never knew (or even suspected) I had that sort of sway over people. I just thought I was being me. Happy go lucky, "DUDE! OMFG this freaking ROCKS", "let's go kick some muthafukin ass" me.
Very interesting. Kinda explains a lot....
If you spend money for the sole reason of impressing someone (other that a potential mate) you are an idiot. You are putting other peoples needs and opinions above your own.
IF their opinion matters more than your own.. you are making yourself their bitch.
God has taught me that difficulties can be overcome by following my passion (and getting off my ass and doing something about it).
I would tell you more but I would have to kill you. ;)
I have gotten off my ass and mustered the courage to tackle Java full on. All I can say is Wow. I wrote my first Java app and it wasn't all that bad. I thought it would be a lot harder that it is.
A little background on why this is significant:
I am dyslexic and have written language and math learning disabilities (shhhhhush!!). There are over 3 std. deviations between my verbal intelligence scores and my spelling/grammar scores (i.e. syntax). Literally, I am simultaneously smarter and dumber than 99% of the population. Even with ColdFusion I had an extremely hard time with the syntax (now that is really bad). I BLED to earn my chops in the beginning. I pushed myself harder then than I had had at any time prior to that (and I push hard as a matter of habit). When I first started coding it was not the concepts that got, me it was the syntax. I used to literally SHAKE with frustration trying to get the right syntax to do what I wanted. I will not even get into what it was like generating JS on the fly with PHP. Let's just say I almost lost my mind and there are some people that are lucky to be alive ;) .
So yeah, according to me, God, math, and science, this is a major accomplishment.
Much like my childhood hero, Bruce Lee, I have identified and overcome my limitations and weaknesses with attitude, training, discipline and sheer will.
I have done what I previously thought to be impossible and became a professional computer programmer. When I first tried programming Basic on our Atari 800 some 20 odd years ago I shook with frustration and I thought I would never, ever be a programmer. I mean NEVER, EVER.
I owe a lot of it to ColdFusion. If ColdFusion did not exist when I first started I may have never became a programmer or at least the programmer I am today. I am a natural btw. When I got over the syntax hump I took to it like a fish to water. I LOVE what I do for a living. That is rare and a blessing.
But yeah. Java ROCKS!!!!
I was in a situation where I told two people that I had done something related to a technology. i.e. I made this technology do such and such. It was a nifty little trick, but nothing more than a little JavaScript 101.
One person said:
"Cool, show me how you did that."
The other person said:
"*This* I have to see".
Say what?
Attitude is everything.
I have done so much with so little for so long, that I can do anything with nothing.
This is copy righted by Gerald Guido 01/07/07. Google gives ZERO results.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I now understand why people seek God's wisdom and grace (thanx to my good friend James). There is peace there. To forgive and accept is divine*. That is love. And in Love, Forgiveness and Acceptance there is Peace.
I also understand the urge to spread the news. I just don't know if the current methodology is effective. Bombing things and killing people doesn't seem to convey the message very well.
* That doesn't mean you have to put up with bullshit.
The intranet I work with at work is a nightmare. I hate it. It is the spaghetti monster from hell. I have written some crappy code in the past but this thing takes the cake. When I first started I thought that I just didn't "get it"... that the guy before me had some mojo I just couldn't get my head around. Now I know he was a bad coder and a horrible architect.
Smart? yes. talented? Sorta. Good? no.
Both my boss and myself DREAD having to deal with his code.
My second thought:
I want a mentor. There is no one that I work with that can bring me to the next level with Coldfusion. My boss is a gifted programmer but he is a VB Jedi and is still learning CF. He has taught me a lot but I want an Andrés Segovia type mentor. Someone who will not take no for an answer, whip me into shape, and teach me the ways of the code warrior.
I am truly ready, willing and able.
